006 being real
Written circa ______ 2022:
Being real and true and valid is so true and so real and so valid. I love validating that the truth is real and the reality is true. I've found myself saying “you're real” so often that I can't get it out of my brain. Such a simple phrase, yet it conveys so much. I am saying both ‘I heard what you said, understand it, and liked it’, and also ‘that it is true and honest’. I love the idea of that.
-Y
005 art process
I'm currently in my prolific era. Or maybe my world-building era. I have a lot of things pinned down and am just in the process of completing them. When I was more heavily posting art on tiktok in 2020 and 2021 questions regarding my process, inspirations, and cures for ‘artist block’ would always come up, so here's some late answers.
Probably the most important part of my process are my sketchbooks. What I fill the pages with range from rough outlines, scratchy ideas on a whim, full-color spreads, plans for larger pieces, and notes to myself. I don't really see sketchbooks as finished pieces so a lot of my work is based on these ‘finished’ sketches, but sketchbooks allow a certain [je ne sais quoi] serial circlebacking that I enjoy. Sketchbooks allow me to have a differentiated reference log; things in my sketchbook have already run the gamut of my brain once so when I use them as a reference it's a double referenced concept. I have now trained myself to use sketchbooks daily so I almost never have an excuse NOT to do the bare minimum of sketching something on a page. And I've found that even on my most tired days, filled with non artistic things and responsibility, my push to sketch is often just what I need. Even when I thought I didn't want to.
This helps with ‘artist block’ too, even though I don't really believe in it as a concept because I'm not lame… Fighting ‘artists block’ is simple: you just have to make art. If that's too difficult then you most likely have too small of a definition of art and/or get too caught up in the thought of production. Expand your definition of art, relax a little and let art be art and you just be a human.
Moving right along ;0 references. As far as image references go I use pinterest, instagram, and my camera roll for varying reference collecting and mood funneling. Pinterest is a great resource, but I try to keep it pretty broad. I just collect a bunch of things that organically catch my eye. It's easy to get tunnel vision with these huge reference resources and get lost in the sauce. My camera roll is probably the most specific section of reference collecting. I have albums in it dedicated to specific artistic yearnings, some of my own work, and life documentation in it. I love my art museum pictures. Really good things I find on instagram, pinterest, vogue runway, twitter, or generally on the internet end up specifically logged in my camera roll. I used to put a lot of pressure on finding the ‘right’ reference, but I found that would often lead me astray from what I originally desired to create. Keeping it broad and overarching allows me to feel like I'm creating more authentic sketches, less of recreations. I’m no stranger to exact one-to-one recreations though. Occasionally I like being a human printer. Having no creative process takes some pressure out of the process sometimes. Visual references are weird, and sometimes I hate them, so it's very case by case for my inspiration. I also find a lot of references in nature (duh) through my own knowledge, encyclopedias, and observation. Music often aids in the process but I'm not sure if I specifically use songs as references. The line between references and inspirations is very gray, but for me inspirations are more of things that motivate me and references… you reference…
Inspiration comes to me very easily. I stay generally inspired by seeing artists, my friends, and loved ones living life with and around me. I try to focus on aspects of life that keep my eye, but I don't really think I do anything that special other than pay attention to the world around me and learn about things. Nature is an infinite sink of inspiration for me. You just can't beat some of the flora, fauna, and natural processes. Like what the fuck is a volcano?!? MELTED rocks… in the sky— come on, that's fierce [watch Fire of Love]. Nature is so whimsical with its shapes and innerworkings, they are surreal realities.
Ok so where do we go from inspiration and media hoarding??? I guess it kinda depends on what the end goal is. What I want the end to look like heavily affects how I start, dreaming of the end product is frequently the best way to find where I start. I use graphite and colored pencils to sketch, and just progressively add more detail. It's kinda just self explanatory. Like the goal is to end up with something on the page, so put stuff on the page. With painting there are some order of operations you can do for desired effects. And if you want good outlines I will do lines twice: before and after I've erased a sketch. I think the only actual advice for making art is that mistakes will always happen, and the best thing you can learn is how to deal with them in a way that doesn't make you stop.
Real questions that are 100% on topic i received:
How do you (if you do) deal with a project changing from the original vision/conception?
If something doesn't turn out exactly how I wanted it I try to edit it until I like it or make another.
How did you go ginger I need to know?
My artistic process for this was first a sketch… then I was inspired by all the auburn haired people before me… then I bleached my hair and rinsed it out when it was ginger.
Do you sketch it out?
Yes. Sometimes no.
P.S. If you made it once you can just make it again.
004 be joyous
UGH!
Despite the bleak nature of today's world, the constant reminder that billionaires have ruined the environment, capitalism, and constant barrages of hate from older generations, I am happy and excited for life. It's always been hard to be a young person, whether people would like to admit it or not. It seems harder now, dealing with so much at such a young age. A lot of us are balancing existential dread, finding fulfilling experiences, unlearning and breaking cycles, and also just existing. It's amazing to me that more of us haven't quit. I hope this lights you up a little. Makes you soak up the sun a little longer; breathe a little deeper. Helps you face forward with a smile and strides that fit your future.
“let people have a bad day”
“you don't owe anyone anything”
“at the end of the day it's just you alone in the world”.
So commonly I see these statements get misconstrued. Within each of these statements there is truth; we all have bad days, and deserve to not feel bad about that. You should put yourself first because you are the only you there is. And when it comes down to it, no other person will understand or get you 1000% because they aren't you. But all that does not give you clearance to be mean or rude to everyone all day. Why are people so bent on drifting lanes towards being mean losers?
People spending entire days not interacting with a single happy person in a day is scary. People accepting that as the status quo is scary. People waking up and immediately being negative to others because the world they've been structurally told life is devoid of color IS SCARY! I, however, will live in a world where people know that negativity is not the default. It does take effort to be nihilistic and negative. Nihilism isn't dependent on negative actions, however the pretense that being alive is a pointless, purposeless waste of time is misinterpreted as a pass for negativity. It frustrates me that people don't see the ego in nihilism. What makes you so special that you get to decide whether life, in its entirety, has meaning? If you truly believe that life is just unavoidable, meaningless suffering, why are you here? Your existence disproves your so-called philosophy. No one is going to come synthesize happiness for you. It takes effort to do everything, stop putting energy into not enjoying things. Fucking loser! I have ended up on the late-stage side of existentialism because life IS inherently beautiful. If I won’t kill myself then i’ll have a ball.
One day after grappling with the fact that people let small hiccups ruin their entire days i wrote:
“I will always let the little things destroy me. People would like to tell you not to feel and to overlook the little things. If small things can’t make your day and small things can ruin your day what will big things do? Losing love for small moments of life sounds worse than death. Living in denial of life is hell.”
Everyone seems to be obsessed with dismissing things in their daily lives. Floating through twenty-four hours prioritizing the ether of tomorrow, rather than their feet on the ground in the present. I hold the present with high importance, soaking up as much detail as possible and letting little things have power. Why not let small good things ruin your bad day? I always let beautiful things force me to have a better day regardless of how small. A pretty flower, a good outfit, a sunny window, a purposeful friend. All it takes is a little reframing. Small bad things are fruitless. Small good things are like treats we get to enjoy on the road to our bigger goals.
And while I'd love to sit here and say something along the lines of ‘I'm not asking you to have a good day everyday, and I'm not saying you can't have a bad day’ I can't. Because that's exactly what I'm asking. Every day I get to live is absolutely insane. The fact that I, in the billions of galaxies and assumably billions of years past and future get to exist. I get to be conscious and interact with other living things. That is special. That is amazing. That should be world shifting news. Life is hell when you make it is fucking miserable. You have so much more control over things in your life, and it starts with the small things. Stop being insufferable. Happiness is a choice.
I have not always had a happy life but I will sit and I will say I've had a perfect one. I will not let everything that has happened to me go for nothing. I will not let the disgusting things win, and I will not spread disgusting things. Life is beautiful and I will not let anyone convince me otherwise. If you live life carelessly, why would it have meaning. I choose to have fun. I feel every fiber of beauty on earth. I choose to take action against the gross, despondent, miserable, unhelpful, annoying things that everyone in life seems to wake up everyday and say “this is ok” to.
KICK AGAINST IT. BE JOYOUS.
003 originality
The blog that follows is to be read for entertainment. Extract as much or as little wisdom as you want from my cumulonimbus cloud of self-indulgent disdain.
Credit and rights are extremely important to art. So much of art history has to do with credit, often being woven with scandals and fights over credit. Due credit however, does not inherently mean originality. It is an important distinction to make and keep in mind when thinking about art. I have occupied artistic spaces my entire life, I have interacted with art as a viewer and a producer. I do not like when people over obsess on originality and thus credit.
The intersections of originality, ego, credit, and imitation never cease to cloud people's ability to make art. Especially with the internet now. It seems like everyone is hellbent on claiming something as ‘their thing’ while simultaneously not producing that much art. I would be more likely to believe that you originated this idea if you were constantly making things.
I see so many artists bending over backwards to credit themselves for things that are not theirs. How close minded and self centered are you, that you think the first time you do something is the first time anyone has done it? I am not saying new things cannot be originated in the modern age. But the likelihood of making something 100% original these days is near impossible. And that is OKAY. (maybe you could reach 1% if you tried your hardest). Originality doesn't always add value. I am not a new type of human. I am not the first artist to ever live. I have seen and been influenced by things I don't even remember. So it does not matter what is completely original and what isn't, it matters if it’s good art (for the artist or a viewer). Art itself is impossible without a reference. Emotion and feelings are often references a brain uses to express and contextualize art. The most famous artists had and use references (you still call their work original). So why are so many creatives obsessed with saying they ‘didn't have references’? That is just straight up a lie.
The ego is strong, and chasing originality is often just chasing an ego boost. If someone isnt making art or making art they don’t like, it's ‘artists block’. Not the fact that commodifying yourself has put you in a headspace where you kill ideas before you execute them because you need it to have monetary value for yourself. Everyone just needs to relax. I see way too many people on the internet claiming to be originators of things that aren't theirs. Well, the very audacity of claiming wholly general ideas as there own might be novel, just because no one has ever been that silly. So maybe they are trendsetters. It makes sense then, why they continue to make a big deal out of their ‘original’ pieces. It's easy to hide your own imitation by claiming someone else’s.
I have grown past thinking I need to synthesize completely new concepts to make my art. That is a prison. I love love love references. That is what makes art cool and fun: the ability to liken it to different things that not every person could. Compiling my thoughts and ideas in order to capture what I want my art to reflect is functional, enjoyable, and It makes the creative process easier (sometimes).
Lightning round of thoughts and clarifications: Exact copying has its place. Exact copying someones art and crediting yourself is ugly and dumb, you suck! Imitation as flattery has a limit. Originality exists because you made it not because someone else didn’t. You will die and with it your entire repertoire of ideas you think you own. Other people can improve on your ideas. Other people can and will steal your ideas. Focusing on people taking your work does not always improve your future work. Art as a career is not for everyone. Art as art is for everyone.
Art is referential. The gatekeeping of ‘original’ ideas does not make you a better artist, it makes you a worse one. Think vanta black. What makes good artists is art. And if you want to be so rich to ask what a true artist is. Wouldn't it be the artist whose art is unaffected by others knowing the process?
002 narcissus
Vanity is a concept hotly debated. Whether in judgment of others or introspection, being vain is usually seen as a negative thing. To me, the word's meaning is based on someone's successes, be it presentation, achievements, fiscal. And being vain is being aware of such successes. I love being vain. I can't help but think of pretty things when I hear the word. The Birth of Venus, satin slips, hand mirrors, pearls and resting on chaise lounges. Stubbornly, I would argue that no matter the what connotation I would still say I love being vain.
There is a common pattern where people hate things attached to vanity, only to become obsessed with it later as it becomes trendy. We've seen it constantly, especially when ideas that are novel, cool, new or different originate from / are presented by women. Fashion moments, popular clothes or accessories, art. The general public hates and belittles a choice simply made to please oneself. They make assumptions and drastic claims about who that person is to try something new. Drive the ‘pretty thing = shallow and worthless’ sentiment into the ground, only to praise it later.
I'm confused why people can't cut out the middleman. Think ‘oh if this is not something I 100% enjoy, maybe it's because it's revolutionary?’. Many people have regurgitated that doing something that garners hate is a perfect indicator of doing something right, and I cannot disagree. People hate when someone is sure of something. Vanity is being sure of yourself. If you're narcissistic, it doesn't affect anyone else, and is true; is it really negative?
The ultimate haters in life are those that are humble. Those who see pride as disrespectful. Those who see being selfless as a staple of human interaction. Those who have never felt truly satisfied with themselves because they aren't honest with their own desires. It isn't entirely their fault though. We all grow up in different environments, but the majority of people end up subscribing to general constructs of politeness and manners. Don't talk about money, don’t ask for more, don’t talk back, don’t disrespect people older than you, don’t talk about hard things. I've always felt it obvious the ulterior motives politeness has. Making sure people who know their worth don’t overstep what's expected of them. Ensuring any outlier piercing through normalcy is looked down upon by a one, homozygous, drab front. Vanity brings color to life. And growing up it becomes more and more clear that it's a waste of time trying to follow every micromanner. I have been shown too many times that rude, conniving characters hide behind niceties. Gross people never voicing their true motives and qualms, only showing a fake face for personal gain. I think now, ironically, vanity is evidence of authenticity.
I have met so many pretty faces that are genuine people. It makes sense to me though. Someone who puts effort into presenting themselves in true form, and is proud of it, would probably put more effort and honesty into their relationships with other people. It's a hand-in-hand attachment following growth. When you are honestly trying to find yourself in the whirlwind that is life, you realize the bi products appearing from new layers of expression. The more you level up in areas that are your own and make you happy, the more opportunities for growth and change appear. Conversely, when you present a facade and are busy making achievements for that facade, you slowly lose pieces of yourself. It will always be easy for me to be proud of myself. It will always be easier for me to fight for myself first. It will always be easy for me to love what I love and enjoy my life because I love it. I've seen the people that try to tell me otherwise fail miserably. Crashing and burning in the entropy they have created from never being honest with themselves. If you suck, you suck, move ON.
So this blog is a love letter to the lovely people I've met in the past few years. Beautiful brains and faces that show me there are people like me. I love you all dearly, and I can't wait to meet more of you.
001 garment love
I love acquiring clothes. My interest in clothing and fabrication began at a young age, when my wonderful mother taught me how to sew. Learning the process of textile joinery made me aware of garments as deeper objects. I sometimes add to my wardrobe purely based on if i lack the garment’s materials or pattern styles. All a product of my delight in working with textiles. It seems now, people aren't as interested in the makeup of the fabrics they wear, but to me it is necessary to enjoy both the physicality of a garment and the feeling you get from wearing it.
Adding pieces to a closet purely based on self fulfillment is a difficult milestone. Not every person is privileged enough to know themself thoroughly, much more live in an environment where it is safe to know and express themself. But it's a privilege I do not want to squander. I started exploring clothing more seriously in 2020. Beginning with finding pieces I never thought to own, then editing and remaking pieces to look like something I liked online. As I expanded beyond my initial curiosity, my outlook on presentation began to switch. I wanted to be happy in all the clothes I owned, even on an off day or when I didn't plan an outfit. I wanted to not necessarily look good, but feel good. So I started making cuts to my wardrobe and opened auditions for my closet.
Now, when I go shopping I think of some nebulous rules when considering a potential addition: IS IT UGLY? IS IT COMFY? WHAT ELSE DOES IT EMULATE? DO I NEED IT? IS IT NEW TO ME? These questions help my mind stay open to new things and prompt me to think about where a garment would fit in my expanding collection. It's important to me that my wardrobe has longevity. Only getting things you think are ‘forever pieces’ is a good way to not fall victim to trend tunnel-vision, with the added bonus that those pieces will likely last you longer materially. So often, people get lost in the density of media they are shown. It's a pillar of the fast fashion machine. Overstimulating the public with trends, influences, and ads. Show off the social capital they would gain from acquiring new clothes and subscribing to the current moment. People hyperfocus on one style or a specific garment, and overconsume when they find it. But do you truly get use out of thirty ultra specific, seasonal items in slightly different makes? No. After buying multiples of a trendy item, the storm passes, you suddenly realize there is nothing to participate in the current trend. A corporation gets your money and the cycle repeats. This is not to say that some ‘trendy’ clothes don't hold longevity or are all bad, but it highlights the benefits of prioritized personal style. Getting one or a few of a garment style that truly makes you happy is not affected by trends, but your own evolution in what makes you happy.
Focusing on personal style is a growing topic, and despite the buzz, I hope it is a real shift in how we interact with clothes. I love seeing people just wear exactly what makes them feel happy. I want designers to be designers, not idea machines bastardized for profit. Getting the clothes that make you happy is getting the clothes you need. And the best way to fight fast fashion is simply not consuming as many garments as you are told you need. I want to enjoy every aspect of my expression, and for me, that often starts with garments I love. So, start experimenting with your clothes. It might make you happier or attract cooler people or find an entirely new look or maybe, just maybe, exacerbate your superiority complex.
p.s. if you think somethings ugly u should probably get it ;0